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This is where the 3-by-1 rule can help. I came up with it a few years ago when researching healthy boundary-based parenting techniques — “sturdy” parenting — when it comes to teaching financial literacy. 

The strategy is useful for parents with kids who continually ask for more “stuff.” No matter how much this stuff costs, this rule is extremely effective in breaking commercialization cycles, which often lead to chronic overspending down the road as kids become independent adults. The 3-by-1 rule also promotes steps toward more minimalistic living, prioritizing quality over quantity and fostering a deep understanding of the value of money.

How the 3-by-1 rule works

The 3-by-1 rule requires kids to sell or donate three personal items every month. These can be any items that meet the following criteria: they haven’t been used in six months; are associated with a negative memory or have become a source of tension or rivalry at home; they no longer fit or are age appropriate, or they’re items they simply don’t want anymore. For most kids, they’ll need help identifying the items when starting this journey, as well as positive reinforcement that it’s healthy to move things along to other people, where they can be used once again. 

Sell or give the items away

If the item’s value is more than $20 (each item, not all three together), such as cool sneakers or a video game, parents can assist with posting these items on a swap or sell website. To get the most money possible, use my P-U-R-G-E steps. Though my kids are still young, I involve them in these steps and try to make it fun.

P: PICK the items that need to be purged.

U: UPDATE your seller’s profile and listings with a great description.

R: RINSE, dust, scrub and clean in preparation for pictures.

G: GORGEOUS photos for the win (a good picture typically results in a better price).

E: EXAMPLES of similar items that help give context for setting a fair price, which usually means a faster sale.

If selling the items isn’t an option that month, or they simply aren’t worth it to sell, think about donating them to a charity of the child’s choice. Nothing broken, ripped or damaged should go to a charity; that just causes more work for them.

Who gets the money if money is raised?

This is totally up to the family to decide. Of course, parents shelled out money for these items to begin with, so it might seem a bit odd to let their kid keep it all. 

However, I have seen huge benefits in letting kids keep some of the proceeds. It creates another financial teaching opportunity. With the funds that get raised, kids get a reward for their efforts to purge, and parents can help guide their children to save a chunk of it, say 30 to 50 per cent, give a bit away, say 10 per cent, then kids can spend the rest on some kind of experience, which helps build their memory bank. Positive memories versus more “stuff” offer deeper satisfaction and fulfilment in kids.

After a few months of applying the 3-by-1 rule, there will be fewer things cluttering the house and a child’s life, and they’ll learn to appreciate what they do have and take better care of their belongings. Over time kids start to understand that the best investments are not in “stuff” but in themselves and their futures. 

More importantly this new habit begins instilling a sense of charity and compassion, and helps children separate their personal value as a human being from the stuff they have, had or want to have. They might not completely stop asking you for “stuff,” but at least what they do ask for will be a lot more thoughtful and useful.