Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in ɫɫ. Send her relationship questions via email: lisi@thestar.ca
Recently, while out for lunch with my sister and her daughter, I received a phone call from my OB/GYN’s office. I have been trying to have a baby for over a year and my partner and I were having difficulties. We decided to do some testing to see if we could figure out where the problem lies.
The number was an unknown caller, so I didn’t know what to expect. The voice on the phone was that of the receptionist, who told me in a flat monotone I needed to head to the emergency room. I had to beg her to speak to the doctor to find out why, while my sister got the bill and packed up her toddler.
My doctor got on and told me she was worried I was having an ectopic pregnancy. My sister drove me to the hospital while I desperately tried to find my partner. I couldn’t reach him, so I called my parents.
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The whole thing became a logistical nightmare, in which my dad drove my mom to the hospital, then he got my car keys and took an Uber to the restaurant to get my car. My mom took my sister’s car with the car seat and drove my niece home to her house to be with her dad.
Meanwhile, my sister stayed with me. My parents met us back at the hospital, and still no word from my partner. He finally called and when my sister answered, he was annoyed everyone knew before him.
He finally showed up, but he was unapologetically angry at every one of my family members and tried to get them all to leave. Luckily, they didn’t.
It was an ectopic pregnancy but caught in time. My partner is still angry with me for the events surrounding that day. Am I wrong to want to end this relationship?
Ectopic Ex
He sounds like a piece of work, in my opinion. Did you ever find out why he wasn’t answering his phone? His go-to response of being annoyed that everyone knew before him is beyond self-centred. And his desire to kick everyone out was selfish and thoughtless.
You want a partner who is there for you in your time of need. You needed love, support and people who would drop everything for you. You got that in your family. You did not need someone who was only thinking about how this affected them, concerned about the optics and not supportive of your journey. In other words, your partner.
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Based on your description, he doesn’t sound like the best life partner. I’m sorry you had to go through this medical trauma to find out what kind of person he is in crisis, but better now than later.
You deserve better.
My daughter met a young man from out of town when we were on a recent family holiday. My daughter and her cousins all went out to a local bar after dinner on our first night away. All four are in their early 20s, two boys and two girls. We adults stayed at the restaurant.
The next day, this young guy and two of his friends met us at the pool, stayed for lunch, paid for themselves and bought everyone drinks. They all went out again that night and every night of the holiday.
Apparently, he’s now coming to stay at our house for a week before everyone returns to uni. Should I be OK with this?
International Romance
If you got a good vibe from him, and he’s staying under your roof, your daughter should be safe. She’s on her home turf. Let her have fun. It’ll run its course, or they’ll try long-distance dating. Leave them to it.
FEEDBACK Regarding the unrecognizable granny (May 30):
Reader “Welcome to the new reality. We (seniors) are not like our grandparents, or even parents. I am now five years older than when my grandmother passed. At the time, I thought she was old. I am rapidly approaching 70 and I have never been so active and am definitely not old.
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“Is his aunt doing anything that could be considered dangerous? I am thinking like walking alone outside late at night, doing anything ‘forgetful’ that could be considered dangerous to her health or anyone else, or is she basically ‘just having good fun’?
“If the latter, then welcome to 2025, where 80 is not old. I have gotten into pickleball where I play against a person who just turned 85 and very few people can beat him.
“If the former, then I would totally agree with Lisi’s response and seek a professional opinion.”
Opinion articles are based on the author’s interpretations and judgments of facts, data and events. More details
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in
ɫɫ. Send her relationship questions via email: lisi@thestar.ca
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