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The problem is when she asks and he says no. She loses her mind. She’ll go nuts if he says he can’t drive her somewhere exactly when she wants to go. I’ve even offered to drive her, but that’s not good enough.

What kind of dynamic is going on here and how can I stop it?

Distraught Sis

����It’s not for you to change the dynamic. Your father and your sister need to figure it out between themselves. However, you could try a few different techniques: You could discuss everything with your mother and see how she feels. If she’s on board, you two could try to have an intervention with your dad and sister.

If that doesn’t work, you and your mom could insist they go to counselling together to figure out why they have this dynamic. Your father sounds like a pleaser, but also a hands-on parent. Separately, those aren’t bad traits. Together, they may cause overkill. But that depends directly on what type of personality your sister has. He’s the same person with you and you don’t act the same way.

Your sister sounds as though she has some impulse issues and has been spoiled. Your father needs to set some boundaries. I strongly suggest they get counselling.

����Why do people insist that moving out of your parents’ house is necessary to prove you’re a grown-up?

I’m a woman in my late 50s who’s always lived at home. I still live in the same room I grew up in. I’m now retired, but I always paid room and board and all my own expenses. I own my car, do my own laundry and cleaning and prepare my own meals.

I’m a quiet person, and living with roommates never appealed but I also didn’t want to live alone, so staying at home seemed a reasonable choice, and my parents agreed. When my mother battled Parkinson’s, I was able to help care for her, and now that my 87-year-old father is ailing I can keep him home. I’ve gradually taken over most household tasks and now ferry my father everywhere.

In many cultures it’s normal and even expected that parents and adult children share a household. I don’t understand the disdainful attitude most North Americans have regarding this arrangement, which harms no one and can contribute to family unity.

I think it’s practical and financially savvy for adult children to live with their parents, if the relationship is mutually respectful and beneficial.

My brother moved out as soon as he finished university because he wanted to live downtown, stay out late, have parties, etc. That was him.

Why do people always assume it’s an adult child’s ‘failure to launch?’

Happy at ɫɫ��

����To each their own, as you say. You’re right — it’s the cultural norm for many, but not here in North America as much. I think it really depends on the person, the parents and the situation. For some, it is a social issue; for others, like yourself, it was the right thing to do.

FEEDBACK Regarding the unrecognizable granny (May 30):

Reader: “There’s something called frontotemporal dementia that can change behaviour of individuals, making them less inhibited. The behaviour can change gradually over time so it may not be obvious to family and friends. The family should have Granny checked out as it sounds like her behaviour is very out of character.”

FEEDBACK Regarding linguistics of they/them (March 12; June 5):

Reader: “I understand ‘they’ usually refers to more than one person. However, I have found it very helpful to remind myself about the singular ‘they,’ specifically in a lost wallet scenario.

“If you found a nondescript lost wallet, you might say, ‘somebody lost their wallet. They are probably worried right now. They’re likely looking for it.’

“When I tell people that our youngest is non-binary, I sometimes share that the grammar confused me until I figured out the ‘lost wallet’ mindset. Others often appreciate the tip.”