É«É«À²

We nonetheless agreed to shared parenting for the benefit of our children. Remaining in the our marital home was too triggering for me, so I moved out into an apartment nearby.

Adding insult to injury, he moved this woman into our home. I am disgusted and do not want her anywhere near my children, let alone in my home!

She is now very comfortable playing house with him, and the thought of her acting like a stepmother to my children is intolerable.

What are my rights?

A: It is never easy to accept that people move on, particularly when it seems that they’ve done it before you even realized your marriage is over.

When you are in the throes of your separation, it is difficult to appreciate that the inexorable march of time continues; and hard to imagine what the next few months will look like, let alone the next few years.

Occasionally, I have seen situations where someone takes up a new partner who has behaved so unreasonably, so disrespectfully and perhaps has such a checkered past, that they pose a risk of harm to children.

That is why, if you are in family court, each party must file an affidavit that includes whether they live with someone else, and if so, whether that person has a criminal record or has had significant past child protection agency involvement.

Indeed, it is not unheard of for child protection agencies to take notice of people in the community who have a pattern of getting into relationships with individuals who abuse them, and the pattern repeats itself so frequently, that it rises to the level of a child protection concern, meriting invasive measures up to and including removing children from the care of that individual (the victim).

Your question gives me no reason to believe you fit into the relatively small category of individuals who have been serially abused, and might be putting your children at risk with this new relationship.

I also trust that the new girlfriend doesn’t herself come with a lengthy criminal record, or history of child abuse. If you don’t know, I suppose you already have a private investigator …

However, in the ordinary course, someone’s decision, however distasteful you may find it from a moral perspective, to move on very quickly does not constitute a valid argument for limiting your ex’s parental rights.

Children may have difficulty understanding what it all means, and this is where counselling (for you, too) can play a role.

I suggest you take the time to process what is happening.

While it is sad, it is not uncommon (take it from me).

Try to minimize conflict with your ex, and his new partner, so that your children can benefit from the most you can offer in two homes as your shared parenting arrangement will require the two of you to work co-operatively through the challenges to come.