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Support for tithing can be found throughout the Bible, but the verses most commonly cited are from Leviticus, third book of the Pentateuch. “And all the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land, or of the fruit of the tree, is the Lord’s: it is holy unto the Lord,” it says. Other Mosaic commands likewise push the idea that the creator — or at least the church — is owed a ten per cent cut of everything going.

Some New Testament scholars prefer a less economic model of the practice called “radical generosity.” This shifts charity from command to willing donation. For example, Saint Paul addresses the Corinthians this way: “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”

That sounds a bit like a quid pro quo to me, but never mind. These days not many Christian churches insist that congregants tithe, and very few ask for a dotted-line ten per cent forked over directly. In fact there is no divine command, still less an ecclesiastical order, to support worthy causes. There is only a basic human duty to share good fortune with those less favoured.

Is ten per cent the right goal? As an ideal, why not. But nobody is judging the bookkeeping except you (and maybe your prospective heirs). Consider what you give as a matter of mutual aid, not external authority. Then give as much as you can. Bottom line: never let failure to hit a specific number stand as a fail — or, worse, as a reason to stop giving. It all helps.

Some close, married friends of mine have recently decided to open up their marriage. Only one of the partners confided in me about this decision, and she seemed to be optimistic about it. I don’t really know much about non-monogamy and feel ill-positioned to give advice, but I admit I feel a bit skeptical. How can I show support for my friend if she brings it up again?

Let’s be clear about the lack of clarity here. Non-monogamy can take any number of forms, each with distinct ethical obligations. Polyamory, where a person engages in more than one loving relationship, is dependent on clear consent and communication. That’s distinct from open marriage, which might range from partner swapping and group encounters to occasional threesomes or committed throupling. None of these arrangements should ever involve infidelity.

Your skepticism includes an awareness of your own ignorance. This is good! I hate to use the phrase “educate yourself,” because it’s so debased by conviction-addled ideological goon-squads; but that is indeed what you should do. There is voluminous pop-psych on the subject, but acclaimed recent novels by Miranda July (“All Fours”) and Sally Rooney (“Conversations With Friends”) are also relevant. Then ask your friend for more details about her decision and its reasons — if she feels like talking about them.

Do I have to say “don’t judge?” Don’t judge! If your friend is confiding in you, it means she respects your friendship. It doesn’t necessarily mean she wants your opinion. Sometimes people facing life-changing decisions just want to say them out loud. Be a good listener, and if you have questions — you probably will — make sure they are helpful and respectful.

For instance: “Are you nuts?” and “How the hell is that going to work?” are questions. But they’re neither helpful nor respectful. Think harder. The great thing about “experiments in living,” as John Stuart Mill called our free pursuit of the good, is that they sketch possibilities even for the less adventurous. Listen, learn, and maybe think about how your own life might be richer.

Need existential advice from a philosophical adviser? Send your dilemmas and questions to agoodlife@thestar.ca and we’ll guide you to your good life.