When I picture my future, I don鈥檛 see a white picket fence, a partner unloading groceries from the car, or children playing in the backyard. Instead, I imagine something closer to a scene from the “Golden Girls”: a cosy home filled with laughter, a kitchen table where friends gather to gossip, and a sense of belonging that doesn鈥檛 depend on romance.
As a millennial woman, the cultural script handed to me was pretty clear: adulthood meant finding a partner and, eventually, having kids. Friendships, while cherished, were positioned as secondary, almost disposable once 鈥渞eal life鈥 began. But as I鈥檝e moved into my 30s, I鈥檝e felt an increasing pull to resist that script.
I鈥檝e started asking: What if friendships weren鈥檛 just the backdrop to life, but the foundation? In my daydreams, it鈥檚 a cluster of tiny homes by the water with my closest friends, where we tend a shared garden, cook family meals and live life side by side.
It turns out plenty of us are dreaming about 鈥 or activating 鈥 a “Golden Girls”-style future.聽
In Canada, roommate households were the in the country as of 2022, having increased by 54 per cent from 2001 to 2021.聽
Six per cent of homeowners share ownership with someone other than a spouse or partner, according to for Royal LePage real estate, and a third of realtors have noticed an increase in homebuyers looking to co-buy. Often, this is because sharing ownership makes buying a home more affordable, especially for single people.
Rising housing costs, a dating scene that feels like a full-time job, and a craving for deep connection are pushing many of us to picture our futures less like a couple鈥檚 rom-com, and more like a communal sitcom. To see friends as partners in life 鈥 not just in fun, but in responsibility, planning and even legacy.聽
鈥淚 do see a cultural shift, though it鈥檚 still outside the norm,鈥 said 色色啦-based Victoria Yeung. 鈥淭hanks to the internet, we鈥檙e starting to hear about more alternative future-planning set-ups, like friends raising a child together, roommates combining income, groups pooling resources to start small communities. As dating and marriage norms shift, more possibilities start to surface.鈥
living solo is a gorgeous experience and so is being cared for 馃馃従
As popular TikTok creator Kendra Austin, who lives with her best friend, explained in a video, 鈥淲e care for each other in the same way we expected partners to. And now, I can speak for myself, I鈥檓 actually much more clear on what it is that I鈥檓 looking [for in] a partnership, because I鈥檓 being taken care of, baby. We take care of our home together, we build a gorgeous life together. And this is something that can be achieved.鈥
Building a home with a friend
In 2021, after years of planning, Sarah Scanlon and her best friend, Jen, bought a home together in Guelph, Ont. This wasn鈥檛 a backup plan or a second-best option: For Scanlon, it was an intentional choice to build her life around the relationships that made her feel most grounded.
鈥淚鈥檝e always known living alone with a partner wasn鈥檛 the right fit for me,鈥 Scanlon said. 鈥淚n that setup, my partner automatically becomes the default person I spend most of my time with. Choosing to live with Jen means I鈥檓 more likely to ask myself, 鈥榃ho do I want to spend this time with?鈥 Sometimes the answer is my partner, sometimes it鈥檚 a friend, sometimes it鈥檚 myself.鈥
After dating in their early twenties, the pair transitioned into a friendship that has lasted over a decade. 鈥淲e had lots of practice working through conflict and a lot of trust in each other,鈥 Scanlon said. 鈥淲e kept choosing each other, even as our lives changed.鈥
Their arrangement is carefully thought through. They met with a lawyer, drew up a co-ownership agreement and created a joint account to cover bills and emergency expenses. They also committed to regular check-ins, both financial and emotional. 鈥淲e bring up issues early, before resentment builds,鈥 Scanlon explained. 鈥淥ur shared value is that home should feel grounding and safe.鈥
It鈥檚 not always easy. A kitchen renovation nearly broke them. But for Scanlon, the joy outweighs the challenges. 鈥淚t鈥檚 one of the best decisions I鈥檝e made in my life,鈥 she said. 鈥淲e鈥檙e not living together because something is missing in our romantic lives. We鈥檙e doing it because this is the future we want.鈥
This kind of platonic arrangement is still unusual, because it goes against an extremely entrenched norm. 鈥淭he dominant culture places romantic love at the very top of a relationship hierarchy,鈥 said Yeung. 鈥淧atriarchy teaches women their value derives from being desired by men, married to a man, and being a mother. In this hierarchy, friendship doesn鈥檛 hold the same weight.鈥
These norms inform our legal and financial institutions, like those involved with home ownership. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e not legally bound to each other, you鈥檙e not family, so we tend to see it as temporary or less serious,鈥 says Yeung.
somewhere a great grandma is crying tears of happiness that we get to live in a Barbie dreamhouse
One step at a time
For 27-year-old Mia Cosco, moving in with friends was partly about surviving a brutal B.C. rental market. When she and two colleagues realized they all needed to find housing at the same time, they decided to pool their resources.
鈥淚t鈥檚 rough out there. At this point, a landlord could spit on you and you鈥檇 still beg them for an apartment,鈥 Cosco said. 鈥淏ut as three full-time working women, we felt we鈥檇 be seen as trustworthy tenants.鈥
Cosco and her friends are relatively new to each other. 鈥淲e haven鈥檛 had a lot of practical discussions yet but we all know what it鈥檚 like to earn and save money,鈥 Cosco said. 鈥淲e want to support each other while we figure things out.鈥
Their motives for sharing a home differ. Some see co-living as a temporary solution, others long-term. For Cosco, the house is both a stepping stone and a sanctuary. She鈥檚 on a work visa that runs until 2026, so her time in the home has a natural end point, but she sees the value of this arrangement, of weaving her future through her friendships.
鈥淚t helps us stay connected as we change jobs or go through different stages,鈥 she said. 鈥淓ven if it鈥檚 temporary, it feels important.鈥
Rethinking what鈥檚 possible
Of course, building a life with friends requires effort. Strong friendships don鈥檛 just happen; they need structure and investment, just like marriages do. That might mean having uncomfortable money talks, setting boundaries around space, or building in rituals of appreciation and connection.
But there鈥檚 freedom in this way of living. It allows us to honour autonomy while still sharing resources and emotional labour. It recognizes that support systems can take many forms.
鈥淲e鈥檙e told that if you haven鈥檛 found The One, you鈥檙e missing out on the best part of being human,鈥 Yeung said. 鈥淏ut how limiting is that? Love, connection, intimacy and commitment absolutely exist outside of romance. To believe otherwise robs us of so much.鈥
I want to live in a world where choosing your best friend as your co-pilot is as celebrated as choosing a spouse. Where future-proofing your friendships is seen as a sign of maturity, not immaturity. Where we measure success not by how closely we follow the nuclear family blueprint, but by how fully we live by our values.
Maybe that looks like a co-owned sprawling old house with mismatched mugs and a chore chart. Maybe it looks like a condo where three women share rent and pizza nights. Or maybe it looks like a chosen family sitting on a porch, reminiscing about the lives they鈥檝e built over decades.
That鈥檚 the future I鈥檓 planning for.
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